Here’s the truth:
1- I did not watch the VMA’s. I actually had no desire to watch them. I also did not watch the Emmy’s… Gaaaaaaa I’m getting old. I used to wonder how my parents could NOT watch awards shows. Like what was wrong with them, I chalked their lack of interest in anything cool up them being old. Ugh, I’m old.
2- Speaking of my parents, I am slowly morphing into them. No really, I ,like my dad, make lists so I remember things. And apparently I now need a window AC unit in my room despite my house having central air. Guess who also has a window AC unit. Yup, my mom. Yes, the house AC is on and so is my window AC to ensure my room is a balmy 67. SMH.
****below is a brain dump… sorry***
3- So- here let’s just lay it out there, my dream of senior photography is not happening. No I didn’t like bust on to the scene with some awesome portfolio with top name HS seniors. (Does that even exist?) I couldn’t even bring myself to advertise in the local area paper. I did however pay $200.00 and put a flyer in the HS’s mailer to all the upcoming seniors. That got me, well, no where. Money poorly spent. Yes, I am bitching, and complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. So stupid. I have NEVER tried anything because in my brain, why try when failure is eminent. Boom, idea to fruition. Here’s what’s even more annoying to me, I have never looked at a senior session and been disappointed in myself. Never looked at the images and thought, man, I could have done so much better. I love every single one, probably because I LOVE to take senior pictures. AHHHHH So how is it that the one thing I feel pretty confident in, I am just not successful with? I need a personality change. I totally need to be able when I meet someone who has a kid in high school to say ” when you are ready for senior pictures call me” because right now, that just doesn’t happen. That is just not me. Even in my previous profession, we were suppose to make sales calls and ask realtors for their business and I would rather a write up in my personnel file than make one lousy phone call. Hello, I can’t even ask the neighbor to take my kid to school, it makes me uncomfortable. I need to find some book on how to believe in yourself or something.
****segue to next brain dump****
4- So I was looking at some page on FB- someone lead me to it, where a lady was looking for senior photography. It is AMAZING all the people out there that call themselves photographers. No really, I have decided that perhaps they are the reason I am failing, well that and my lack of self-selling. Sadly, I clicked on all their links, looked at all their pictures and they are AWFUL. So the 10 0n-line classes I have taken, the $300 in books I have purchase and read, the actual class rooms I have sat in, all those things make me pretty good at photography. Add to it the 1,000’s of blogs I have read about F-stops and lens choice, and how to position a senior girl with out making her look trashy, those other people out there, those damn other people out there– they didn’t do anything but purchase a DLSR camera, put it on auto, and start charging people. No wonder people laugh when you want to charge them say… $150.00 for an hour at a location and 8 images. Yeah, it seems like a lot of money, but I put a lot into making sure you get your money’s worth. Ugh. I now understand the uproar by other photographers about “faux”tographers. What’s even more lame, is when I look at the year book. Man, 1 in 10 seniors actually have good, real professional, pictures. Whatever.. I’m getting more angry each word I type so I am just.. refocusing.
7- It’s official, I loathe afternoon pre-school. I feel like I’ve wasted my day. By the time I get him there he may be: clean.. or he may be filthy with remnants of lunch on his face, under his fingernails, on his shirt.. who knows. He may have tried to fall asleep on the 2 min drive to preschool so that pretty much equals a cranky kid. It’s like, I am never sure who I am dropping off. Then I rush home and think I’ll go for a run, but wait.. I’ve already gotten up, showered, eaten two meals.. I really don’t like to run with a super full belly.. so instead I sit down, on the couch and watch.. tv? No this is not how I envision spending my free, kidless time… in front of the TV. But then when I realize that I have now sat in front of the TV for an hour, what the hell, I only have another hour before the pick up kids cycle starts, and that is not enough time to really do much so…. one more episode of ________________. I have to make a change.
8- What the, what the?
9-I’m still obsessed with snakes. I am just sparing you all the pictures. HA!
10- my middle took these. she rocks.
11- So the little has been dressing himself. I mean, like, picking out his clothes. He suddenly refuse to wear shorts…. Needless to say I am never really sure what he will comes downstairs in. I’m ok with that though, life is too short to worry about what your kid is wearing, as long as he likes it.. then that is all that matters.
13- This weekend, time to live up the last long weekend of summer-